Two-Faced

How to cope with girls who have Lord Voldemort sticking out the back of their head (metaphorically of course!)

Paramount Pictures

I wish I was one of those people who thrived on the danger of leading a double life. Like Peter Parker, Clark Kent or Hannah Montana. Maybe that’s why at thirteen, there was nothing I wanted more than to be an undercover agent. Believe me when I say, I wish I was joking. I thought leading two lives would make the coolest job. So when I had my first meeting with the careers counsellor, and he asked me what I was considering after high school, I tried to break it to him gently.

‘I want to work in the crime area’

‘What kind? More specifically law? Defence force? Police?’

‘Ummm… maybe more like… international spy’

Little did I know that in navigating the complicated realms of high school, I was already surrounded by teens who had mastered the double life. I guess you could call them two-faced, but unlike the cosmetics brand, it doesn't make you look good (although Marilyn Monroe did say ‘if you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty’). With these people, nothing is ever exactly as it seems, (and everything that they say has to be matched up with that secret decoder ring you got with your happy meal when you were nine).

What is it about these perfect specimens that makes them so alluring? Is it the smile they give you every time you get to class? Or the way they complement you on your mum’s 80s vintage skirt? And are these creatures nocturnal? (Okay, I'm really just looking for an excuse to use my night vision goggles). This month’s question is: how do you really know how to spot the two-faced girl?

Firstly, I suggest you don’t instantly accuse conjoined twins. While they are medically two faced, they are probably really nice people. Secondly, forget coins. If it wasn't for their two faces, most of the world’s greatest arguments would never have been settled.

In an ideal world, everyone would express their true opinions of others openly. Unfortunately however, most of us will encounter more than one person who spreads rumours and gossip behind your back. It’s important to pay attention to how your friends talk about others when they’re not around (that is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen), because chances are, that’s how they’re talking about you. 

Another way of spotting the two-faced girl is that she is constantly smiling. A real friend can talk to you about how they are feeling, and will gladly complain about whatever idle drama is totally and completely ruining their life. A fake friend is unlikely to share more than the surface details.

I could never be two-faced because I possess the quality of speaking my mind ALL OF THE TIME, (also making me the worst person alive to lead a double life).

Exhibit a)

Teacher: ‘Have you bought a hot chocolate yet? They’re $2 and all of the proceeds are going to the Red Cross’

Me: ‘I bought one... and it was by far the WORST hot chocolate I've ever had! And quite frankly I regret giving my money to charity’.

The only upside is that people never worry about me saying things about them behind their back. That doesn't mean however, that I'm exempt from being the girl who’s talked about. And if being 'that girl' has taught me anything, it’s that I would rather have a few true friends, than a lot of fake friends. You deserve better than that! So the next time you spot the two-faced girl in her natural habitat (surrounded by her posse of mean girls) remain smug that you know the truth behind whatever imminent scandal is spreading through the school. The truth always comes out. So sit tight, and wait for her to get tangled in her own web of lies. Or you could get one of those laser pens they have in every good spy film (although I'm not really sure what that would accomplish). 
Haven't you heard? Beyoncé isn't the only Sasha Fierce in this town! 

Xx

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