Cheers?

The first time I took a shot from a loaded gun (as if! This isn't Kentucky), I was eighteen-years-old. I strutted towards the bar with the confidence of Cindy Crawford, and a "make me a tequila on the rocks. Not too many rocks - I like it strong Derek!" attitude.

In my head.

In real life, I shoved through a horde of slobbering drunk guys with chin pubes and loadies mid-deal towards the bar.

"I'll haaaaave... a glass of alcohol please". 

Before I could ask for a Kinder Surprise, my friend (wait, you have friends?) intervened. 

"She'll have a tequila shot thanks". 

I tilted back my head and... held the shot in my mouth like I was gargling Listerine. In mere seconds the insides of my mouth started burning raw (again, like Listerine), while I mentally penned my will.

*Yeah, I can kiss that mouthwash endorsement bye bye*

At this point, a crowd of friends had gathered around me shouting me "Shot! Shot! Shot!", so I tried to discreetly spit the tequila out from the side of my mouth. Instead it just went all over me, and I spend the rest of the night soaked from my own spat out vodka (yum!)

So I guess its kinda obvious that I'm not much of a drinker. Which is really hard for everyone else to understand.  I'll be at a college party and mention "I'm not drinking tonight", only to be bombarded with a million questions like:

"Are you on antibiotics"

No

"Are you pregnant"

NO!

"Are you drunk?"

Yah, okay. I am.

I'm drunk right now actually. 

Kidding. The closest I get to taking a shot is when I have the flu.

Mum: Sorry we only children's cough syrup. 10mL should do it

*pours into shot glass*

Me; Make it 20, I need the hard stuff. 

Xx