Crimes of Fashion

You should see Park Avenue at Christmas. It's like walking through the Milky Way

Ever since the idea of living in New York first popped into my head, my mum has been adamant that the city is dangerous.

'I don’t know if it’s safe for you to be going on student exchange Gabby. After all, it’s my job to protect you from predators wandering the streets at night.'  

'Mum! Please stop watching 'A Current Affair'

After all, we live in Maroondah. Our town’s motto is literally "Stay in the light, Stay in sight", so I don’t think she has to worry any more than usual for my safety. 

While New York’s crime scene spawned from 1940s mobsters who drank from flasks and spoke in mid-Atlantic accents “heyyy, what’s the big idea?” and “fawwget about it”, delinquency remains one of the city’s greatest issues to date.  

Just like the mob, New York’s department stores are divided into five families; Barney’s, Bendel’s, Bergdorf’s, Bloomingdales and Belk. And while they don’t carry out serious offenses like the Cosa Nostra, their crimes of fashion are equally as heinous!

First there’s the Genovese family, which has a reputation as the “Rolls-Royce” of organised crime. They deal mostly with illegal gambling, which in the fashion world is Bendel’s. The store has an air of elitism, attracting shoppers to gamble their chips on a pair of $4,295 dollar Manolo Booties. Let’s just say these buyers have no betting limits!

Then there’s the Gambino’s, which once held the position as the most powerful underground family in America.  This is undoubtedly Bergdorf’s, which in its day dressed some of the most powerful women in the world including; Jackie Kennedy and Audrey Hepburn.

The Bonanno's suffered major indignity when it emerged that an undercover FBI agent had been gathering information from the inside for six years. Likewise, Barney’s New York came under fire after an undercover employee admitted that staff would repeatedly make racist jokes about black customers. 

The Lucchese crime family specialises in racketeering. (If you watch NCIS, you'll know that means engaging in fraudulent business dealings). And guess what? The department store Belk was originally called the “New York Racket”. Ummm sign me up for the CIA already.

The fifth and final family, the Colombo's (a.k.a Bloomingdale’s) are the babies on the New York scene. 

Despite New York's reputation, crime rates have actually reduced 71% since 1994. 

The only valid explanation for this is that the New York PD forces its inmates wear hideous orange jumpsuits. Ugh, what a crime of fashion! Especially considering it’s a city that prides itself on looking good (what else is there really?) I mean, I’d turn myself into Police too if it meant I could make sure my outfit looked cute in my mug shot. 

Maybe the Police Department are onto something with those jumpsuits.

Xx