Why Your Barista Hates You

Coffee has come a long way from when a few scoops of Nescafe blend 43, boiling water and a dash of milk was all it took to rise the dead from their grave... Umm I mean my mum for her slumber. In the contempoay era it seems that we like our coffee how we like our wine; expertly brewed and with an expensive price tag. I've coined this the 'Starbuckanisation' of the modern consumer. Where the phrase "A grande caramel frappuccino with extra cream and caramel" (a term which would have been meaningless twenty years ago) is now commonly understood as "I'm a teenager who really doesn't like the taste of coffee yet, so I'm ordering the sweetest drink on the menu for an artsy photo for my Instagram. Plus all the girls on Tumblr are drinking it". Coincidentally, as the popularity of coffee rises among teens, so do the number of pretentious twenty something's behind the counter. Admittedly I am one of those twenty something's (except that I'm not quiet twenty, I don't have obscure facial piercings, I've never dyed my hair an unnatural colour, read poetry, listened to 1990's scene bands on record, or been a vegan). I get it. I'm about as 'plain Jane' as baristas come. 

Despite the fact that I really don't fit in with the rest of my colleagues, I've found one thing that never fails to unite a group of people, and that's our shared hatred for our customers! Here are just a couple of things that make my daily grind just that little bit tougher; 

1. Talking on the phone while ordering: Believe it or not, they haven't introduced self check out machines to hospitality yet, so please refrain from treating me like one. I know your conversation about how smashed you got on the weekend is probably uber important, but I think I deserve your attention. Especially since I'm about to make something you are going to be drinking. 

2. Having to deal with caffeine deprived customers: Caffeine withdrawal is real people. I've experienced the blood shot eyes and irritable mood of a caffeine addict before they've had their daily hit and trust me, for some people their day really does start after coffee.

3. When you ask for your drink to be heated over 82 degrees Celsius or a specific temperature: You do realize milk curdles at 82 degrees? Right? And can your mouth really tell the difference between 92 degrees and 96 degrees? Doubt it.

4. When you tell me you're running late for work and if I could speed things up: If you were running late for work and didn't have time to stop for coffee, why did you stop for coffee? 

5. When people pronounce the Italian drink names with an Italian accent: Settle down. Just say it with the same accent as everyone else, because the fact that you know how to say it doesn't impress me at all. 

6. When you order a coffee with skim milk but add sugar: I can see your diet is going really well. 

So next time you order a coffee brighten your baristas day and refrain from doing any of these, you might even get a smile from that pretentious twenty something. On second thought its probably still way too early for that!

xoxo

Crimes of Fashion

You should see Park Avenue at Christmas. It's like walking through the Milky Way

Ever since the idea of living in New York first popped into my head, my mum has been adamant that the city is dangerous.

'I don’t know if it’s safe for you to be going on student exchange Gabby. After all, it’s my job to protect you from predators wandering the streets at night.'  

'Mum! Please stop watching 'A Current Affair'

After all, we live in Maroondah. Our town’s motto is literally "Stay in the light, Stay in sight", so I don’t think she has to worry any more than usual for my safety. 

While New York’s crime scene spawned from 1940s mobsters who drank from flasks and spoke in mid-Atlantic accents “heyyy, what’s the big idea?” and “fawwget about it”, delinquency remains one of the city’s greatest issues to date.  

Just like the mob, New York’s department stores are divided into five families; Barney’s, Bendel’s, Bergdorf’s, Bloomingdales and Belk. And while they don’t carry out serious offenses like the Cosa Nostra, their crimes of fashion are equally as heinous!

First there’s the Genovese family, which has a reputation as the “Rolls-Royce” of organised crime. They deal mostly with illegal gambling, which in the fashion world is Bendel’s. The store has an air of elitism, attracting shoppers to gamble their chips on a pair of $4,295 dollar Manolo Booties. Let’s just say these buyers have no betting limits!

Then there’s the Gambino’s, which once held the position as the most powerful underground family in America.  This is undoubtedly Bergdorf’s, which in its day dressed some of the most powerful women in the world including; Jackie Kennedy and Audrey Hepburn.

The Bonanno's suffered major indignity when it emerged that an undercover FBI agent had been gathering information from the inside for six years. Likewise, Barney’s New York came under fire after an undercover employee admitted that staff would repeatedly make racist jokes about black customers. 

The Lucchese crime family specialises in racketeering. (If you watch NCIS, you'll know that means engaging in fraudulent business dealings). And guess what? The department store Belk was originally called the “New York Racket”. Ummm sign me up for the CIA already.

The fifth and final family, the Colombo's (a.k.a Bloomingdale’s) are the babies on the New York scene. 

Despite New York's reputation, crime rates have actually reduced 71% since 1994. 

The only valid explanation for this is that the New York PD forces its inmates wear hideous orange jumpsuits. Ugh, what a crime of fashion! Especially considering it’s a city that prides itself on looking good (what else is there really?) I mean, I’d turn myself into Police too if it meant I could make sure my outfit looked cute in my mug shot. 

Maybe the Police Department are onto something with those jumpsuits.

Xx

Top 20 Movie Songs of All Time

Sometimes movies just give you all the feels. I mean, you'd have to be a heartless biatch to watch 'Marley and Me' without shedding a single tear. Or a complete LIAR to have watched 'Pitch Perfect' without belting out the soundtrack in the shower. So when movies combine an epic montage with an unexpectedly matched song, it has the power to motivate, inspire or make you reach for the tissues while unleashing your Kim-K crying face. Whenever these songs come on the radio, the movie scene instantly plays out in our heads, unleashing the 90s dance moves we thought we'd forgotten. With that image in mind, here are a few of the songs you'll catch us listening to on repeat, well after the DVD ends!

1. Love Actually - 'Both Sides Now' by Joni Mitchell

2. The Parent Trap - 'Here comes the Sun' by The Beatles

3. Billy Elliot - 'A Town Called Malice' by Boom Town Rats

4. Rocky III - 'Eye of the Tiger' by Survivor

5. 8 Mile - 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem

6. Dirty Dancing - 'Time of my Life' by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

7. Shrek - 'All Star' by Smashmouth

8. Ghost - 'Unchained Melody' by The Rightcheous Brothers

9. Armageddon - 'I don't Want to Miss a Thing' by Aerosmith

10. Toy Story - 'You've Got a Friend in Me' by Randy Newman

1. 10 Things I Hate About You - 'Can't take my eyes off you' by Franki Valli

This scene made everyone swoon over Heath Ledger… as if they weren’t already in love with him. There's something so badass about "bad boy" Patrick Verona singing in front of the school to win Kat's heart. Um, GOALS, GOALS, GOALS

2. Easy A - 'Knock on Wood' by Amii Stewart

‘Easy A’ holds a special place in my heart as one of my all-time favourite movies. Who knew Emma Stone could sing so well? Or that Penn Badgley could look so hot painted blue? This musical number could have been painfully awkward if the audience didn’t totally love it! Lucky for Olive (Emma Stone) the script writers weren’t going to let that happen. 

3. Freaky Friday - 'Take me away' 

I was so obsessed with this movie as a kid (kidding! The obsession never ended). I literally wore army pants and flip flops because Lindsay wore army pants and flip flops. For real. If 12-year-old me was a cartoon character, it’d be wearing army pants, since I never changed outfits for a solid three years. 

4. Pulp Fiction - 'Misirlou' by Dick Dale

‘Misirlou’ has been rehashed for everything from ‘The Black Eyed Peas’ to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. It was made iconic first by director Quentin Tarantino who somehow managed to perfectly capture how my parents dance in public

5. Twilight: New Moon - 'Monsters' by Hurricane Bells

I was SUCH a twi-hard ages 13-15 #Team Edward. Bonus points if you can make it through this scene without cracking a smile. The ‘Twilight’ saga has a really great soundtrack overall, but this scene has made it into my Top 10. 

6. Little Miss Sunshine - 'Superfreak' 

MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE MOVIE I LOVE IT SO MUCH UGH

7. High School Musical 3 - 'A night to remember'

There are two kind of people in this world. Those who love highschool musical, and mother fucking LIARS. Oh and I totally listened to this song before high school graduation by the way (surprise, surprise!) 

8. The Perks of Being a Wallflower - 'Heroes' by David Bowie

Aside from the fact that a group of teenagers in the 90’s had no idea that the song blasting on the radio was in fact ‘Heroes’ by DAVID BOWIE (I can’t even…), the “tunnel song” has something magical about it. And of course I had to pay tribute to the late Bowie, but regardless, this would have always made the cut!

9. Pitch Perfect - 'Ending Performance' by The The Barden Bellas

What makes this scene is that its a high school acapella competition and the audience is absolutely LOSING THEIR SHIT just to be there. Also, girl power!

10. Bend it like Beckham - 'Move on Up' by Curtis Mayfield

(*Hint: start the video at 9 minutes)

This is one of my all-time favourite songs, and one of Kanye’s as well! This is the original track to which Kanye based ‘Touch the Sky’, so if you didn't realise this you've been missing out. Every night spent at soccer training, this song becomes the soundtrack to my life!

xoxo

Fur Free at NYFW... Is this Fur Real?

If you’ve never been to a fashion show, let alone New York Fashion Week, then let me to break it down for you. Expect an army of twig-thin models, styled by flamboyant men with more lip injections than the front row combined. Expect to be bowled over by fur-wearing old women accessorised by their Louis-Vuitton wearing French poodles. Expect the hype of seeing this season’s collections before all of your friends, and the utter bewilderment as to the appropriate occasion to wear a rabbit fur-coat. Expect to be sickened when you realise that as much as you love, love, LOVE clothing, killing an animal for its fur will never be fashionable.

At the forefront of New York Fashion Week is Giorgio Armani, who recently announced his brand would be making a firm commitment to abolish the use of animal fur. “Technological progress made over the years allows us to have valid alternatives...  that render the use of cruel practices unnecessary”.

Photograph of Giorgio Armani 

Armani’s partnership with the Fur Free Alliance (a body comprised of over 40 animal welfare organisations), may be a critical step in the fight to abolish animal fur completely from New York Fashion Week. Armani joins fashion house bros; Hugo (Boss), Ralph (Lauren) and Tommy (Hilfiger) in switching to a synthetic alternative.

Changing the fashion industry doesn’t take someone in the front row. Armani’s decision to go ‘fur-free’ was the result of years of protesting by animal rights activists. You heard correctly. Someone who wasn’t an Olsen, Beckham or carrying a handbag worth more than the entire GDP of Namibia, has forever changed the fashion industry.  

Assuming of course that you are not in-fact Anna Wintour (if you are, I’m totally dying right now), you still have the power to change the inhumane treatment of animals for fashion. If you’d like to make a difference. If you love animals, planet Earth or um... pizza (who doesn’t?) sign the petition here! 

Xx

Gabriella Montez Room: High School Musical Decor

As a pre-teen there was literally no one who I wanted to be more than Gabriella from High School  Musical. We had the same name (well, almost). She had an amazing singing voice, and she dated Zac Efron who was basically my celeb crush for the following 10 years. To this day, my iPod is a constant repeat of Drake, Kanye, Eminem and High School Musical 2 #noshame. Okay #alittleshame

One thing that remains certain however, is that I have never watched a movie that has instilled me with more unrealistic expectations than High School Musical. Before my first day of Year 7, I just assumed that I'd be getting a floor length locker (where I could stick a disco ball, a mirror, and pink feather bower just like Sharpay) should I choose. The only thing more unrealistic about the movie is that the theatre department gets THAT MUCH FUNDING.

Ryan and Sharpay Evans - duh! Like they even need a caption

My latest ambition in life is to achieve even the slightest bit of the fabulous-ness embodied by Ryan and Sharpay Evans. Ryan, because well, what other actor else can pull off the golfer/beret/Manny-from-Modern-Family hats he had to wear through all three movies and STILL show his face in public? (RESPECT) And Sharpay because she was #GOALS before the hashtag was even a thing. Seriously, looking back on it, I don’t know why I ever loved Gabriella more than the dream team that is the Evan's siblings. 

But this is supposed to be Gabriella's Room Tour (not the Ryan and Sharpay show)... Sorry I can't help it. It's just that they have a habit of stealing the spotlight, which I physically cannot understand since I'm the one WRITING this article. 

So in celebration of High School Musical’s 10^th Anniversary, here is my comprehensive Gabriella Montez Room Guide!*

*Zac Efron not included. Seriously, he’s not included. He didn’t even show up to the 10^th Anniversary reunion. Bitch please. 

Also if you want to see Gabriella’s room in full HD set to a catchy song that is bound to end up stuck in your head, watch this video below. If you don't want to.... who the HELL are you? I'm surprised you even made it this far without a little bit of East-High spirit buried deep, deep within. 

Gabriella’s room makes for the ultimate teen girl hideaway- combining elegant femininity with a splash of youth. I am going to use the words “provincial contemporary” to describe her space. Perhaps the most outstanding feature of the entire room however, is her gorgeous mermaid-ish turquoise walls. Usually painting your walls a darker colour like turquoise is a little risky (especially if your room doesn't get a ton of light). Gabriella pulls it off perfectly however, by accentuating the space with all white furniture and decor. Notice the super cute white picture frame beside her bed, and the white word "hope" mounted on her wall. These little decor features help to break up the darker coloured paint on her walls. 

I have literally been jealous of Gabriella's balcony since it made its debut in the third movie. I especially love the French provincial white doors which add a certain charm and help to bring much needed light into the room. She's also used various lamps in the background; desk lamps, floor-standing and wall-mounted lamps to name a few. A cast iron letter "G" is mounted on her wall (just in case we forget whose room this is). 

Gabriella’s antique style desk is decoated with a 
white upholstered corkboard full of photos of her friends. 

Convenient moment for Gabriella to be studying

A built in bookshelf unit holds a collection of books (which she probably uses for study since she got a scholarship to Stanford). Pffft just kidding, Gabiella only studies when it's convenient for the plot like all movie characters. 








I especially love how she's accessorised her white bookcase with candles and photos! Meanwhile her floral artworks and desk lamps in vibrant shades of burnt orange really suits Gabriella's personality as the vibrant and feminine teen girl. 

An even better view of her bookcase. I love this whole unit- how the bookcase is built around the wardrobe. I dont even want to discuss the fireplace. Who is lucky enough to have a FIREPLACE in their room? 

Here's a view of Gabriella's four post bed, accessorised by a young and playful quilted duvet cover in floral print. Behind the bed is the painting "The Starry Night" by Vincent van Gogh (a replica obviously). I know she has a fireplace, but I dont think she can afford a $200 million dollar painting for her bedroom. In the centre above her bed is a wreath and even more photos. If anything, Gabriella loves displaying photos of happy memories all around her room!

Actual footage of me in my natural habitat (listening to HSM)

If you want to add a little High School Musical spark to your room (minus the tacky memorabilia) - which I'm assuming you do since you've made it this far, I recommend painting your walls a lovely turquoise colour, and accentuating your space with white furniture and decor. A four post bed adorned by a floral quilt, and lots of photos displayed in frames and on corkboards will help you to capture Gabriella's perfect balance between elegant femininity with a splash of youth! 

Xx